Stepping on toes....!
I know I have been a bad blogger lately. To be honest, I am not in the mood of putting my thoughts down on paper. It has been a real difficult time during the past couple of months and somehow I am really trying to find my feet again.A couple of nights ago I spent a couple of hours going through photos from Mauritius, viewed Google Earth a couple of times and start going through my blog from Mauritius. I mean, somehow I am trying to pick myself up and trying to get back my spirit which I had back in Mauritius. Seeing all those picks and reading the posts made me realized how quick life can change in only a couple of months. In one way I do miss the island so much, but that is not what is burning inside. I have this uneasyness boiling inside and I do not know how to stop it.
I think it is my body trying to tell me this is enough. AFRICA is enough! I chatted with my boss no too long ago after watching BLOOD DIAMONDS and that made me realize how bad AFRICA really is. I'm not even talking about Leonardo's bad accent which isn't by the way South African. The words he used, yeah well.....but overall he sounded like a sick american with flu. SHAME ON YOU making us sound that bad!
Anyway, life ain't easy here. It really isn't and I do not know even if I moved somewhere else that uneasyness that stuck in my gutt will disapear. I do not even get excited thinking that I will move soon. It really feels that I am dead and sick and tired of all the shit. Everything! It feels like I need to break away from what I know is my reality and focus on myself. It feels that I need to go and search for that light that once shined in my life which brought me to levels of NON-STOP FUN.......
No, seriously. I think I had enough and know I need at least a 6 month break. MINIMUM. Thinking of spending time back on the island, tour Namibia, Australia & America....Thinking of the Caribbean quite often lately as well. The greatest thought is it might be a possibility in the next 2 months or so....I will definately consider it.
Things in France did not go off that well or for Degremont rather. I gave them 2 options and that is that they either move me now or I will resign. I am done with the way we work in Africa. The ZERO level of professionalism that they deal with projects in Africa and the way they deal with there personal. Really, I am done with that. Wether I have the option to go back to South Africa for them doesn't really bother me at all. I am burned out and I feel like a corps living on high energy drinks. Not good.
I really enjoyed the time in Germany though. Couple of really rough nights and the first starting off with me sleeping in the bathroom of a pub and drunk fucking germans shouting to call the POLIZEI.....Until they saw really how big the dude is that found the porcelyn king quite attractive. Meeting up with the banking germans was great. All of them! Joern, Kerstin, Kevin, Lars & Wolfgang and meeting up with Anne later on was also great. But, 3 days does not change someone's outlook on life. Only temporary solution.....! But Bratwurst mit brochien, Peter Styvesant's and a shit loads of beer (and something I called the South African Bomber - Double Sambuca with double Jagermeister mix) makes you dream of better days to follow.
I think I should go see a professional to maybe talk about my feelings....yeah right! Fuck that shit bru. I need more alcohol, SEX and more alcohol to get me back on track....And maybe beautiful sunsets.....Maybe go and visit Cuba! I do not think South Africans have any restrictions going to Cuba, do we?
But all out.....I am not depressed. Not at all. Just extremely tired and zero motivation and at this age it is definately not a good sign. I need to strategise and plan....."cause that is what I am good at. I am OK, alive and moving........At the moment, I am coping and the day I find myself not too, that will be it.
Surehka, I really appreicate your input and believing in me. That is why I respect you so much, 'cause you always have the right answers and the wisdom and that is why I am still here today. Thanks for standing by my side during this time. I do see it and appreciate it.
On a better note is that Dirk is back in operation with one of our affiliated companies in Australia. He is based for 3 months in Sydney I think and then he will move to Brisbane although his family is staying in Brisbane. Guys, I am glad you are doing good! My thoughts are with you always. Say hi to Dylan for me.
For now, this is it. I will update as soon as I find any changes in my path. Miss you all and have a great weekend.
Bru,
